Grief & Loss – Healing Your Broken Heart – Grief-Loss
Grief & Loss - Healing Your Broken Heart
What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us so much? Is it the heavy duty emoting that we have to do to get through our suffering? Is it the fear we have about opening ourselves to all this pain? Because, let's face it, it's hard down there, in the land of grieving where all those emotions toss us around like a cork on a stormy sea.We understand that this is necessary, at a surface level, but how we are feeling is what really counts. In that place we call Grief & Loss, is where pain dominates our life and where suffering is the paramount teacher. This is really difficult, and we know it only too well at times like these. We go there because we have to, but we try hard to escape, as soon as possible.What is necessary now to get through to the end of this process? Is it simply a matter of toughing it out, or, do we have to dredge and dig and pummel ourselves along the way? It's hard to be sure what we must do at such times.All those Gurus that say "do it this way or that way," are they capable of handling it themselves? As a survivor, going through grief, I would want to know that, wouldn't you? The essence of false advertising is "never having been there yourself," is it not? Absolutely, this we all know without a doubt.So what do we require then to move through this landscape called Grief & Loss? We seem to know this at some level, don't we? We seem to know that deep down where our sorrows dwell, there is an inescapable reality. We have to feel this. Oh yes, it's an ugly fact, but true nevertheless. We have to feel this pain in order to exorcise it from our bodies. Yes, we have to feel it, so we can learn that this too is survivable. Isn't that the most important thing in all such activities ? to know where you are at in your own heart when you finally get to the truth?This truth I talk about is your truth, that feeling in your gut when you know you are right. Since this is your truth, then only You can determine its validity for yourself. No guru can ever take you there. Because deep down, this is your "house," your well-spring of creative experience. What happens here defines your life, tells you who you are and, right now, what you have to suffer at times of grief and loss.To some that may seem sad though, to arrive in this "feeling" place where grief has brought you. But is it really? Perhaps it's a better thing than you imagined, this place where truth resides within. Perhaps it's more than you ever bargained for. Sure, grief brought you here, but what else goes on in this place of tender emotion? How about looking around, since you're already here?These are your life lessons after all, to have and to hold, until your truths can be borne. How could you ever have a guru do that for you? No such luck! You have to do it yourself. But what a fantastic opportunity to get to know yourself better, to live deep inside your own heart and soul while this grieving process goes on around you.Let me assure you that you will survive. You will overcome these tragic effects. Because there is truth in there where you live. And that truth will take you somewhere important - for you! This is Your Truth, remember, and only you can assess, experience and benefit from the effects it will have upon you.So do it! Allow yourself to descend to where it hurts and find out for yourself what this experience of grief and loss is, and what it can teach you that might correct your misperceptions about Life, Love & Purpose. Yes, you have access to the truth, just as I do, just as we all do. As these lessons arrive, they are yours for the taking. We all get them. Grief and Loss are but one more avenue to help us get to our very own Truth. Yes, the suffering will eventually pass, but the Truth ? well, that's forever!Maurice Turmel PhD is the author of "Parables on Grief & Loss" and "The Voice - A Meatphor for Personal Development." He was a practicing therapist for nearly 25 years, and is now an Author, Speaker and Performing Songwriter, all on the subjects of Personal Growth, Creative Self-Expression and dealing with Grief & Loss. He can be reached at drmoe@mauriceturmel.com, or go to the website: http://www.mauriceturmel.com
Fear of a Broken Heart
Fear of a Broken Heart
Dear Candace,I am in the process of getting divorced and have met a very wonderful man who touches my soul. I am scared of a relationship because of a fear of not being perfect, and my main fear is that of a broken heart. I am wondering how this relationship will work out and how I should handle it so that no feelings will be hurt. I want to be with this man. Will I be? Will it be a forever relationship? Thank you. ~ Maggie"Greetings and blessings to you precious one. You ask how to have this relationship without any feelings being hurt. Well, you will have to roll yourself up in cotton batting, lock yourself up in a closet and not have contact with anyone or anything, and then not allow your mind to think any thoughts. Perhaps then, with a little luck, you may not have your feelings hurt, and yet, even that is probably not possible."So, in the prospect of beginning a relationship, what you must do is expect and look forward to the opportunity to have your feelings hurt so that you can come to know yourself better, know the areas where you are challenged and pray that those places become healed and whole and filled with faith and love rather than fear, as they are now. To have a fear of your heart breaking will allow you first and foremost to focus on your heart breaking rather than to focus on your heart opening and allowing more love, more joy, and more capacity for love to be within you."The fear of a broken heart is what will create a broken heart. Nothing else can actually do it. You can be abandoned, abused, violated, unloved, rejected, and none of that need cause you to have a broken heart; it is how you handle the experience as to whether or not you will experience a broken heart. You can also have lots of love, support, and kindness in your life and still walk around believing that your heart is broken or will be broken. It is strictly your perspective and your experience of this situation that will cause you to have a broken heart or not."To want to be with this man is one thing and to have it be what is best for you may be something different altogether. For you, the most important thing is to pray only for that which is in your highest good and to avoid the prayers that specifically ask to be with this person forever. You cannot focus on or worry about the future. It is something that is ever-changing based on your own evolution and where you are in your life. Something may be perceived as forever and then you could shift your perspective in an afternoon and change the course of your life entirely. The future is not important; it is the now that is important. How do you perceive now? How do you love now? How open are you now to that which is for your highest good? Allow yourself to pray for peace and openness within your own heart so that you can receive and give love in the ways that you truly desire. That is your birthright, and if you truly want it, it will be done."Blessings to you precious one. Amen."Inspired by A Course in Miracles, Candace Doyle has been hearing and sharing the Voice of the Holy Spirit within her as a discernible, conversational Voice for over 10 years. Her spiritual advice column, Advice From Within, shares this small, still Voice with others in their times of need. Candace and her husband, DavidPaul, are also the authors of The Journey That Never Was, a guide to hearing God's Voice regardless of one's faith, religion, or personal beliefs. For more information, please visit their website at http://www.rightmindedness.com
A Broken and Contrite Heart
A Broken and Contrite Heart
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17, NIVWhat an interesting week this last week has been. All sorts of weird things happening to my Christian sisters it seems. One was very ill (she suffers from a rare disease sort of a like an environmental disease ) another hurt her knee running, another's husband had TWO serious heart attacks on Friday and it was also discovered he has diabetes, and another told me doctors have found maybe breast cancer in both breasts plus her ongoing problem with her stomach. Oh boy, makes Home sound so nice! I wondered though, why so much of this has not only been happening but why the Lord has put them all in my path. I wondered why he has given me such a burden for healing in others and that includes their pets....I also wondered why it was these desires God has laid on my heart: for healing and health naturally rather than traditionally. Then today as I was praying with one of these Christian sisters for her health, and IMing back and forth with her, it hit me: I too have suffered from illness all my life until more recently. I too have been hurt in my spirit and soul just like these women. I too have been broken like them. Now I know that part of God's plan for all of this was so I could be used of Him to minister to others when they go through these sorts of sufferings in empathy and love. He also has taught me that He has given us healing in the nature He created.I kept telling this sister that it wasn't until I quit striving on my own power and let go out of sheer tiredness and brokenness, just a weak, broken person, that God's power and strength was abundantly evident in His perfect, holy awesomeness and then healing came!The spiritual attacks have come at me from all directions this week and yet every single time I wanted to react in my flesh or struggle and fight back, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I don't have to anymore (never did) because God will handle it; He's in control.Now brokenness might sound like something only a weakling would want and you'd be right in a way. It's in our total weakness that God's perfect strength is magnified and glorified! Sounds so contrary to worldly thinking and of course again that's correct. It IS contrary to the world's thinking but then God has called us to a renewed mind and to put off the old man. I always thought I was doing that but I wasn't as my walk in the Lord has been slow. Not a fast-paced BAM conversion. Just a slow steady walk.The brokenness hasn't happened just once and then I was okay either. The brokenness has come hard and heavy in past times and sometimes just in consistent, persistent trials and testings. Not great big ones, just ones that aggravate you until you "give in".This past week was one of those persistent consistents, lol. My dog Shadrach and I run at a local park early every morning. We've not had much trouble either other than Shadrach getting "macho" with other dogs. He's a Neo Mastiff so I've been working with him on his ingrained stubbornness and his machisimo. Believe me, I know why God sent him to me as a gift too! Shadrach was a rescued abused, neglected, starved puppy. He's taught me a lot and that was God's plan I'm sure! He's also changed the direction of my whole life. Again God's plan. It's been hard and a struggle but in hindsight, awesome! Anyway I digress as usual.There were two teen boys hiding up in a tree at 5:45 AM at the park. It is a great big pine tree. What they were doing up there at that time of the morning is beyond me but they were in dark clothing so they were hard to see and not in their "right minds" I can assure you. They only hassled the women at the park. They were polite to the men. They kept howling and barking (LOL) at me and my dog, making all sorts of animal sounds. Very strange. I told them to knock it off in my usual gentle way (laugh out loud really loud!).This went on for several laps every time I neared them. Finally some other women asked me what was going on, and I said there were monkeys in a tree bugging me. The boys got scared I guess because the women mentioned calling the police. I was on the non-track side of the park opposite them on an all grass side so Shadrach can run with me better. The boys crossed over and hid by an arroyo so as I passed they started haggling me again. I told them uh, to come down from up where they were and tell my dog that up close and personal and I'd let him answer them. Silly me! I was getting stressed and upset rather than the intended "aaaahhh" from running let me tell you! I did pray though that the Lord would handle this and help me and help me to cool my jets right then too because I was steaming by then.Here's the interesting part, right about this time a nice looking couple crossed the bridge and sat by the tennis courts on the side of the park we were running on. Well, they sat down on the benches in front of the tennis courts and as Shadrach and I neared them, the man said, "I'd love a doggy hug from your dog" LOL. That went straight to my heart, always does. Shadrach was calm and walked right up to the man and "hugged" him in his doggie way with slime and all! He tried to "hug" the lady too but he is rather slimy with his slobber hound self! They told me to have a nice run and I complained a bit about the boys but these people were so calm and nice I relaxed almost instantly.As I neared where the boys had been I realized they'd gone. Whew! Then as I neared the couple again I noticed they'd walked onto the bridge and were facing east. Our mountains are east and I asked them, "Are you waiting on the sunrise?" -ours are so magnificent with the Sandia Mountain background. As I asked I noticed their "Purpose Driven Life" books in their arms. I found out that the man grew up here but she was from GA where they live. They were doing the study from the book and I realized, praying. They had been praying and just resting in God's glorious creation while I was running. As Shadrach and I finished our last lap, I looked back at them and they were staring at me. I got this feeling of immense love. I got a rather emotional feeling that the boys had been like demons tormenting me and that these two people were like angels sent to soothe. I actually began to wonder if I hadn't entertained angels and I'm still not quite sure.The cool thing is, that when I gave up and released it all to the Lord, He sent me relief. I did pray for the boys too. They're lost and probably don't know it which is sad, but hey I got saved so there is hope for everyone! While this may not all be about a contrite heart it is about trusting God for every single thing, every breath, every moment of our lives and obeying Him fully. It is about us being broken unto Him. It is about how when we are broken fully, He is our All. That's when we can begin to reach out to others and really be effective tools for Him. When God allows us to break, and we surrender, He makes us so much better than we could ever be doing it all on our own!! Contrary to the world, when we break God doesn't throw us away, He makes us better than ever before! Being broken is a good thing when it's in the Lord!About the Author:Kim Bloomer is a natural pet care educator helping pet
owners learn to care for their pets through natural, holistic means.Disease prevention is her goal to help pet owners lower their pet care costs and extend the lives of their pets. Visit her website Aspenbloom Pet Care and her dog's blogs barkin' about natural pet care from a canine perspective at Bark 'N' Blog and Pawsitively Natural Pet ProductsLook for Kim's dog Shadrach's new line of beautiful, hand-tooled leather gear and journals for the Big Dog coming in August. Our joint venture partner for this is Dee Kreidel of Faith Minders