Little Hoochie Mammas
Little Hoochie Mammas
Our young girls are dressing more and more like little whores than little girls. They are also learning very early in life that sex can get them the "bling bling" jeans and sneakers they want. That in itself is bad enough but where they learn these behaviors is even more disturbing. Not from music or videos but from home.With grandmothers and mothers getting younger and younger the role models young girls have to look up to are getting few and in between. You have young girls and women with children still trying to have a "life" and doing whatever to fund itYou would have to be a damned fool to think the kids don't know how mommy or auntie uses men to get bills paid or how certain men are only around when the rent or car note is due. What a grown woman does to support herself is her business but it sends a bad message to the children. The little girls see the material gain but don't learn about the sex related diseases, unwanted pregnancies, stalkers, or baby daddy drama until it's too late.I'm begging all young women with children to think about what you do and say in front of your little girl, if you want to be a hoochie mamma (read whore, let's call a spade a spade) that's on you but give your little girl a choice...My name is George Cook owner/writer of the African American web site Let's Talk Honestly at http://www.letstalkhonestly.com. I currently write commentary as well as poetry about issues concerning the Black Community. My work is now being published at http://www.onelifeinc.org and I am talking with 2 more sites.I am a former military man, married for 11 years with 1 child. I have self published a book of poetry Let's Talk Honestly "My Poetry" also about isssues in the Black Community. I can be reached at George@letstalkhonestly.com or letsbook@aol.com
Banishing Bedtime Blues
Banishing Bedtime Blues
"My son won't go to bed at night without a struggle. He keeps getting up with all kinds of excuses. It doesn't seem to matter what we tell him. Nothing works. What do you recommend?"This question was posed by a concerned parent in the middle of a fifteen-minute question and answer period following one of my Parent Talk System presentations. I knew a five-minute response to this important question was inadequate, but I offered advice anyway. I don't recall my exact answer - I think I mumbled something about consistency and the need to keep to a schedule. I'm sure I suggested returning the child to the bedroom as many times as he vacated it. I'm also sure my words were not very helpful or comforting.Later, as I thought about the bedtime issue and talked it over with friends, I realized there was no way I could have offered a quick solution to this complicated situation. There are too many variables - too many reasons for getting out of bed and too many possible responses.One effective response is to create a bedtime routine, an evening ritual that remains consistent. This ritual could include a ten-minute warning, dirty clothes in the hamper, bath, pajamas, teeth brushing, stories, prayer, hugs, and kisses. Routine provides security. When the routine is repeated with consistency, both the parent and the child begin to rely on it. Everyone knows and can anticipate what comes next. Each step follows the previous one, every time.When there is no set routine, bedtime is easier to resist. There is no expectation of what will happen next, no order of events to fall back on. The evening becomes too open-ended, too open to interpretation, too subject to change.If you have an ongoing bedtime ritual and your child still resists staying in his or her bedroom, ask yourself, "What does my child need? What is my child trying to get? What does my child want to accomplish?" Then invest some time in figuring out what it is that your child really wants.For some kids, getting out of bed is related to fear. They may have just had a nightmare, or they may have remembered one from the evening before. Perhaps they are scared of the dark or of being alone. Perhaps they feel insecure when you are out of sight.If fear is the issue, ask your child, "What would help you feel more safe?"Tell your child that one of your main roles as a parent is to help him or her feel safe. Then create a plan together. This could be turning on a fan if your child is afraid of noises, or turning on a light if he or she is afraid of the dark. Leave the door open if your child is insecure, or provide a comforting teddy bear to increase feelings of security. Perhaps you could allow the family dog to sleep in your child's room. One parent agreed to check on his child every half hour, "so you'll know I'm here," he told her.One woman I know had a child who was afraid of monsters. The solution? She filled an old window cleaner bottle with water and labeled it "Monster Spray.""This will rid your room of any old monster," she told her child, "and send it back to its own mommy and daddy." The "Monster Spray" sat on a bedside table to provide constant reassurance.Another need that children have is to get in on the action. When exciting things (or perceived exciting things) are going on downstairs, who would want to stay in bed? Your child may hear you laughing, talking on the phone, or watching TV and not want to miss out on any of the good stuff.If this is the case, make sure the "good stuff" isn't that good. Turn off the TV. Do something quiet for a few minutes. Or invite your child to join you in doing the dishes, scrubbing the kitchen floor, or bringing in firewood.Tell your child, "When you're up, I do things with you. When you go to bed, I have to get my work done. That's when I do a lot of grown-up stuff. You're welcome to join me if you want to, but you'll have to help. Tonight I'm folding laundry. Come on, join in."Another reason children resist bedtime is that they aren't tired yet. Their brains may still be racing at breakneck speed. If so, a routine that encourages them to wind down is helpful. It might be that your child needs a later bedtime, or perhaps it's time to eliminate that afternoon nap. Without a nap, evening tiredness descends more quickly. Or it could be that you're letting your child sleep in too late in the morning - of course your child isn't ready for bed if he or she slept in until 10 o'clock in the morning. It's a lot easier to get kids up than it is to get them to sleep, so wake your child up earlier.If your child keeps getting up to get a drink, add drinking to the regular bedtime routine. Provide a special cup that stays in your child's room. If he or she gets thirsty during the night, your child can use that cup to get a drink and then go directly back to bed.Remember, the goal with bedtime problems is containment. The idea is to contain the child in the bedroom. Create a safe place and keep returning the child to that safe place. Use the broken record technique if you have to - that's when you repeat the same sentence over and over as if you were a broken record."I know you'd like to stay up. It's time for you to be in your bed.""Just five more minutes, please?""I know you'd like to stay up. It's time for you to be in your bed.""I'm not tired.""I know you'd like to stay up. It's time for you to be in your bed."If you want to banish the bedtime blues, you'll have to invest time and energy in doing so. There is no quick fix, no simple answer, no solution that works for every child in every situation. Hang in there. Stay consistent. And remember: This, too, shall pass.Reproduced with permission from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's
monthy E-zine, The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter. All rights reserved worldwide. To subscribe to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthly E-zine go to http://chickmoorman.com.Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller is two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They are the co-author of "The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose."Chick Moorman is a veteran educator who has invested more than 40 years working with children, parents, and teachers. More than 300,000 participants have attended his lectures. Chick is an experienced talk show guest who has been on more than 300 radio and television shows in the past five years.Thomas Haller is a preeminent family and couples therapist. His private psychotherapy practice has specialized in couples and their families for over 25 years. Tom is a highly sought-after speaker on the topics of parenting and coupling. He is the director of the Healing Minds Institute.Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are on a mission to empower parents, teachers, and care-givers so they can in turn empower the children they love and serve. To subscribe to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthly E-zine on Response-Able Parenting, go to http://chickmoorman.com
Acne and Skin Problem Myths Debunked
Acne and Skin Problem Myths Debunked
Isn't skin a wonderful thing to have?An obvious benefit of skin is that it protects our bodies' internal organs from harmful elements like dirt, insects, bites, toxic chemicals, nasty weather, and the like, and it certainly is more attractive than what's underneath.When skin is healthy it's nice to look at, but when it's diseased, it can not only affect you physically, but more painfully can cause stress and social problems.Like the common cold, acne and similar skin diseases can be treated and covered up, but cannot really be cured. The best treatment is prevention and knowledge about what makes your skin happy, so that you can avoid skin care enemies and breakout triggers.The real cause of acne can vary from individual to individual, but some factors can be stated with relative certainty:1. Acne occurs when pores or hair follicles become blocked or clogged.2. There are basically 4 types of acne manifestations: whiteheads, blackheads, pimples, and nodules.3. Acne can appear pretty much anywhere on the skin, though it causes the most concern when it shows up on the face. The worst forms of acne break out, however, on the chest and back, and most commonly on males rather than females because of hormonal differences.4. There are many common myths and untruths about acne, rosacea, and other skin care problems.Some acne myths include "you'll outgrow it, so leave it alone", "being out in the sun helps acne", "acne problems are directly or indirectly proportionate to sexual activity", "acne visits dirty people", "acne is contagious", and too many more to list in this short article.The sad thing is that belief in the myths can be devasting, in that proper treatment is avoided, and lifestyle changes that don't need to be made can take away pleasure unnecessarily.For example, at one point in my life, I truly believed that I was allergic to chocolate and that it caused my breakouts. Whenever I would succumb to the temptation and have "just a little" I would stress out waiting for the red spots, and sure enough they would appear.After several years and much experimentation, I learned I had no allergy, the stress was a trigger for me, and a new over the counter face scrub has kept me in the clear ever since.Knowing what triggers your breakouts can be the difference between constant battles and healthy skin. The Internet is a wonderful place to get the information you need, so stop stressing out and learn what it takes to put your best face forward.Dennis Becker has developed a free e-Course titled "Ultimate Acne Prevention and Treatment Guide" which debunks the myths and shows you how to look great consistently. The e-Course, along with other skin care articles can be accessed at:http://www.skin-care-advice.com