Banishing Bedtime Blues
Banishing Bedtime Blues
"My son won't go to bed at night without a struggle. He keeps getting up with all kinds of excuses. It doesn't seem to matter what we tell him. Nothing works. What do you recommend?"This question was posed by a concerned parent in the middle of a fifteen-minute question and answer period following one of my Parent Talk System presentations. I knew a five-minute response to this important question was inadequate, but I offered advice anyway. I don't recall my exact answer - I think I mumbled something about consistency and the need to keep to a schedule. I'm sure I suggested returning the child to the bedroom as many times as he vacated it. I'm also sure my words were not very helpful or comforting.Later, as I thought about the bedtime issue and talked it over with friends, I realized there was no way I could have offered a quick solution to this complicated situation. There are too many variables - too many reasons for getting out of bed and too many possible responses.One effective response is to create a bedtime routine, an evening ritual that remains consistent. This ritual could include a ten-minute warning, dirty clothes in the hamper, bath, pajamas, teeth brushing, stories, prayer, hugs, and kisses. Routine provides security. When the routine is repeated with consistency, both the parent and the child begin to rely on it. Everyone knows and can anticipate what comes next. Each step follows the previous one, every time.When there is no set routine, bedtime is easier to resist. There is no expectation of what will happen next, no order of events to fall back on. The evening becomes too open-ended, too open to interpretation, too subject to change.If you have an ongoing bedtime ritual and your child still resists staying in his or her bedroom, ask yourself, "What does my child need? What is my child trying to get? What does my child want to accomplish?" Then invest some time in figuring out what it is that your child really wants.For some kids, getting out of bed is related to fear. They may have just had a nightmare, or they may have remembered one from the evening before. Perhaps they are scared of the dark or of being alone. Perhaps they feel insecure when you are out of sight.If fear is the issue, ask your child, "What would help you feel more safe?"Tell your child that one of your main roles as a parent is to help him or her feel safe. Then create a plan together. This could be turning on a fan if your child is afraid of noises, or turning on a light if he or she is afraid of the dark. Leave the door open if your child is insecure, or provide a comforting teddy bear to increase feelings of security. Perhaps you could allow the family dog to sleep in your child's room. One parent agreed to check on his child every half hour, "so you'll know I'm here," he told her.One woman I know had a child who was afraid of monsters. The solution? She filled an old window cleaner bottle with water and labeled it "Monster Spray.""This will rid your room of any old monster," she told her child, "and send it back to its own mommy and daddy." The "Monster Spray" sat on a bedside table to provide constant reassurance.Another need that children have is to get in on the action. When exciting things (or perceived exciting things) are going on downstairs, who would want to stay in bed? Your child may hear you laughing, talking on the phone, or watching TV and not want to miss out on any of the good stuff.If this is the case, make sure the "good stuff" isn't that good. Turn off the TV. Do something quiet for a few minutes. Or invite your child to join you in doing the dishes, scrubbing the kitchen floor, or bringing in firewood.Tell your child, "When you're up, I do things with you. When you go to bed, I have to get my work done. That's when I do a lot of grown-up stuff. You're welcome to join me if you want to, but you'll have to help. Tonight I'm folding laundry. Come on, join in."Another reason children resist bedtime is that they aren't tired yet. Their brains may still be racing at breakneck speed. If so, a routine that encourages them to wind down is helpful. It might be that your child needs a later bedtime, or perhaps it's time to eliminate that afternoon nap. Without a nap, evening tiredness descends more quickly. Or it could be that you're letting your child sleep in too late in the morning - of course your child isn't ready for bed if he or she slept in until 10 o'clock in the morning. It's a lot easier to get kids up than it is to get them to sleep, so wake your child up earlier.If your child keeps getting up to get a drink, add drinking to the regular bedtime routine. Provide a special cup that stays in your child's room. If he or she gets thirsty during the night, your child can use that cup to get a drink and then go directly back to bed.Remember, the goal with bedtime problems is containment. The idea is to contain the child in the bedroom. Create a safe place and keep returning the child to that safe place. Use the broken record technique if you have to - that's when you repeat the same sentence over and over as if you were a broken record."I know you'd like to stay up. It's time for you to be in your bed.""Just five more minutes, please?""I know you'd like to stay up. It's time for you to be in your bed.""I'm not tired.""I know you'd like to stay up. It's time for you to be in your bed."If you want to banish the bedtime blues, you'll have to invest time and energy in doing so. There is no quick fix, no simple answer, no solution that works for every child in every situation. Hang in there. Stay consistent. And remember: This, too, shall pass.Reproduced with permission from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's
monthy E-zine, The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter. All rights reserved worldwide. To subscribe to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthly E-zine go to http://chickmoorman.com.Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller is two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They are the co-author of "The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose."Chick Moorman is a veteran educator who has invested more than 40 years working with children, parents, and teachers. More than 300,000 participants have attended his lectures. Chick is an experienced talk show guest who has been on more than 300 radio and television shows in the past five years.Thomas Haller is a preeminent family and couples therapist. His private psychotherapy practice has specialized in couples and their families for over 25 years. Tom is a highly sought-after speaker on the topics of parenting and coupling. He is the director of the Healing Minds Institute.Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are on a mission to empower parents, teachers, and care-givers so they can in turn empower the children they love and serve. To subscribe to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthly E-zine on Response-Able Parenting, go to http://chickmoorman.com
A Minute Can Turn into Hours for the Child of a Work-at-Home Mom
A Minute Can Turn into Hours for the Child of a Work-at-Home Mom
In theory, working at home is an ideal situation. But in reality, it's difficult to balance the needs of your family with the needs of your clients.Phones, fax machines and e-mails have no common courtesy, nor does your client really care about your personal situation. You are simply a means to an end consisting of a telephone number, an e-mail address and a 1099 at the end of the year. For the most part, you are not afforded special considerations and must respond to their needs or your business will suffer.Long before I began my career as a writer, I was already a work-at-home mom. I provided outsourcing solution to a variety of clients, which included bookkeeping, personnel records, reports and creating employee handbooks and mission statements. Initially my clients were leery; it was a time when home businesses were just emerging. I went to great lengths to establish and maintain my associations. Part of my success was the perceived illusion was that I was available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Continuously, I had to prove my home life did not interfere with their business needs or deadlines.One day, as I absentmindedly brushed my son off and repeated the phrase, "just a minute" for the fifth time, I suddenly realized why he had no concept of time. That "minute" I was speaking of was hours away, at best. The business I built so that I could be at home with him was also the business that was taking me away from him. I turned back to my computer to complete the report I was working on and my son returned to his video game in frustration. It was then I realized my solution was only a paragraph away.I was experienced in writing mission statements for my clients. These leadership tools are used in the corporate world to define goals, values and purpose. A successful business takes commitment, resources, responsibility, problem solving, honesty and hard work. Doesn't that also define raising a child? Parenting consists of all those factors and so much more.As in any business, the business of raising a child will bring accomplishments, successes and rewards, but it will also have it's share of conflicts, disappointments and setbacks. However, when it comes to the business of family the stakes are much greater than a new client, a contract, a promotion or a raise; they involve the wellbeing of your child.The emotional difficulties of childhood serve to build strength, courage and character. But to a child, these conflicts may feel catastrophic if they have no one to turn to. You can help prepare your child to cope if you take time out each day to remind him how much you love him, express your commitment to his wellbeing and provide positive affirmations that help foster confidence.Just as you keep focus on your business goals and rise to meet your company's mission statement, keep focus on your personal goals as a parent. Run your family business with the integrity and respect of a healthy, thriving corporation. Define your ideals, set plans to action, keep communications open and reward success. Encourage individuality, praise creativity and share the wealth. Be positive and proactive. The business of family is one to be celebrated and cherished. It may not be listed as a FORTURNE 500, but it is the most important business of all.A PARENT'S MISSON STATEMENTThe purpose of this Mission Statement is to express my love, support and commitment to you. As your parent, I promise to help you achieve your dreams and goals by providing you with a safe and nurturing environment. I respect your opinion and I encourage your creativity. I will be there to praise your accomplishments and comfort you in your disappointments. I promise to accept you as you are, support your decisions and honor you as a special and unique individual. You have the right to a safe and happy childhood and as your parent, I am committed to providing this to you.TIPS FOR WORKING AT HOMEThe luxuries you dreamed of as a work-at-home mom can quickly lead to burdens unless you are organized and scheduled. This schedule consists of a balance between business and family and activities should work in harmony with your child's needs, not against them.Define your work area and organize it so valuable time can be spent on the task at hand.Determine quiet times, such as early morning or after your child goes to bed. Use this period to complete tasks that need the most concentration.Set a start and finish time for your workday.Allow a full day off from work each week and stick to this schedule as much as possible.Start each morning by talking with your child about the day's events. Include your child in these plans. By informing him of your activities, he will be comforted in the knowledge that there will be time for him.Remember that you are entitled to breaks, lunch, vacation time and even sick time. You are the boss.When it comes time for your break, stop working, compliment your child for his cooperation, and spend the next block of time enjoying the moment.Record an "out to lunch" message and set your phones daily. Even if you are sitting at your desk, do not answer the phones. Your clients will become accustom to your schedule.If you need to run an errand, but are concerned about missing an important call, don't wait around stressing, forward calls to your cell phone.Consider hiring a babysitter a few hours per week to read or play with your child or do a special craft.Most of all, remember your priorities as a parent and your commitment to your personal mission statement. When your child needs to talk, be grateful he or she is turning to you. Keep the lines of communication open, there will come a time when they need you for more than a glass of milk and a snack. And when that time comes, they might not be able to wait, "just a minute".About The AuthorPatricia Gatto and John De Angelis are the authors of MILTON'S DILEMMA, the tale of a lonely boy's magical journey to friendship and self-acceptance. As advocates for literacy and children's rights, the authors speak at schools and community events to foster awareness and provide children with a safe and healthy learning environment. For more information, please visit Joyful Productions at http://www.joyfulproductions.compgatto@ptd.net
Lets Protect Our Children
Lets Protect Our Children
There are software programs that you can purchase to keep your children from accessing undesirable websites. There are two good ones, Cyber Patrol and Net Nanny.There is also software that will create a log of all the sites that have been visited by your PC. It allows you to check on the sites your children are visiting.You can also use your History Button on your web browser.If you are running Windows 98, you can set-up a "Content Advisor" rating system to control how much of Web sites a person can view according to it's levels of language, nudity, sex and violence.To do this, you would go to the 'start' button-- 'settings' -- 'control panel'. Double-click the 'Internet icon', then click the 'Content Tab' and the 'Enable' button.When you click on the 'Enable' button, you will have to set a supervisor password. Be sure to write it down somewhere because you will need to type it in every time you change the Content Advisor settings.Select the 'Rating Tab', click on each category and set a rating level. If you select all categories at 'Level 1', it will bar all access to the web, except the most child-friendly sites. Click 'ok' when you have finished.About The AuthorJane Fulton is Owner & Webmistress of http://janes-place.com 'Home For Newbies & Beginning Marketers'. She has been helping them for almost 4yrs now. She publishes a newsletter, Newbie & Affiliate SOS Newsletter. It appears online twice a month. If you like these 'How To' type of articles, subscribe to her newsletter at: http://janes-place.com/sos.htmwebmistress@janes-place.com